Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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