Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm passing your future prison.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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