well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
