I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
