and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
