Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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