We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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