Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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