I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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