He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
