wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
