All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Sober January is a disaster.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
