And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
