I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
