please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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