the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
