it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
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I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
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She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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