Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
