My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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