Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA