Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
