whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
