someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
