She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
