whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
