I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
