i was born a porn star she said
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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