I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
