he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
