i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
