I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
