why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
