she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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