i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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