i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
