mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
please come you make the beer taste better
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
