Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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