he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
