walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
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