Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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