ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Found your dick twin last night
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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