just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
