I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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