Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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