last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
