so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
