Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
