We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
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i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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