arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Randomize
