New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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