Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
