worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
