just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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