i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
