I hate all girls vehemently.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
