Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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