i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
