Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
