She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
