I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
