.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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