Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
