Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
