I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
