I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
