No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
