Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
