everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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