i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I smell stomach acid.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
