woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize