just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
