Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
