Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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