His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
