Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
