You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
